some how I’m not sure how I got here, I’m already turning 27? I feel like I’m still 23 or 24, I think that’s the age I’ll always think of myself as. To be honest though, I’m glad I’m NOT still those ages.
I’m a person who is big on anniversaries of events and important moments because it gives me an excuse to stop and reflect on myself: who I am at the current moment, remember how far I’ve come, be thankful for the memory, but continue to press onward.
I have ALWAYS been an anniversary of things person, especially anything I deemed as life changing or altering. So between my 26th birthday and a “life changing” moment I experienced, 26 did not start off on the most positive note. It felt like a year ago, my life turned upside down and I had to figure out how to live with this new normal. Everything I had known as true and real the last 2 years had suddenly changed and I had to figure out how to accept that change. If I’m being honest though, I don’t think I accepted that change until about January 2017. I spent 10 months, TEN WHOLE MONTHS, trying to accept a change that had already happened.
You see, I hate change, I really despise it, in pretty much every aspect of my life. I’m sure I’ve expressed this before, how much I hate change. But it’s a goal I have for myself this year (2017) is to be more open to changes and to be more accepting of them immediately because change is a part of life; it’s inevitable and instead of fighting it, I should learn to embrace it. It might make me happier and continue to be more present in my every day.
Reflecting now, I spent so much of my 26th year trying to accept this change and struggling with who I was, where my worth came from, and what I want for my life. I finally decided I didn’t want to live in this space of chasing something that I was never going to get. I didn’t want to be in this negative space where I couldn’t enjoy anything or was always looking forward to the next good thing and missing out on the present moment. I was tired of being miserable and the only one who was miserable. I realized my life was going to be gone and I was still going to be holding on to these very small and VERY past moments.
It was TOUGH to let go and put these good and bad moments behind me enough to enjoy the here and now but I decided back in March that I was damned and determined to end 26 in a better space than I started it. I felt like letting go meant I had to let go of all the good parts too and that I had to forget about the happy memories but you don’t have to do that. You get to keep those special moments that meant everything to you and hold on to those but it doesn’t have to control or run your life. It was very difficult for me to get to this space. It’s been a big change of perspective and I’ve had to learn to have and feel true acceptance. But now that I’m here, it feels good. It feels good to see how far I’ve come and all I’ve learned about life and myself through all this.
I’m very thankful for these challenges because it’s brought me to this new place and space. God has guided me and carried me through all this to get to the other side. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know it’s all going to be ok, I know I’m stronger and more confident in myself now because of all the good and the heartache and break. You have to know what it’s like to walk through those valleys to enjoy the mountains that much more. 26 was a valley for me but 27, 27 is going to be my finding my way to the top. Everyone’s lives are full of ups and downs of all different kinds and I’m no different in that. My story and my growth will be able to help someone, I just know it. Just don’t give up on yourself, don’t lose hope, and don’t lose faith. We really learn who we are and what we’re made of in those valleys.
be where your feet are. be in those moments, no matter how hard or how wonderful they are, be in them fully. those are what matters and those shape who we become. don’t live in the past, don’t live for the future. just be because it’s all going to be ok in the end; God makes sure of it.
cheers to 27 and all those good moments to come….