new year, same perspective

normally at the beginning of a new year, I have all these hopes and dreams of what I want to do with my life in that year. It's a time for a fresh start, a new year, a new me. I tend to make this big, grandiose statement about the person I am going to be this coming year. Out with the old, in with the new. An excuse to start over of sorts.

This new year is a little different for me. I don't feel the way I have in the past. I don't want to start over. I want to keep doing and feeling the way I have in the last 4 months. I can't say that I was sad to see 2016 end. Part of me was because of all the amazing experiences I had with people I love and cherish & all the life lessons and strength I found within myself….that made 2016 wonderful. However, there was a lot of tough stuff that happened to me and to my family and while there is always that stuff, it seemed extra heavy in 2016. So in terms of that, I was ready for something new.

I've been feeling restless of sorts, like I need to make a big move for myself. Big, out of the box, different, and for me. I think with the experiences and what I've learned about myself in 2016, I need to make this big and different step in order to keep growing and learning and morphing into the best version of myself. I have come out of the last year with my head held high and holding onto this great hope for me and what my life will become and honestly, what it is already. And in order to keep that perspective, this big move needs to happen. What is this big move, you may wonder? I don't know yet. I just know I need to take a big leap.

I want to continue to be observant, be more present in the moment regardless of what's happening, loving on others, and learn to be more loving on myself.

For anyone that knows me, I'm really hard on myself. Like really hard on myself. I NEVER give myself a break, ever. I'm always pushing myself in every way humanely possible to be perfect and I think I have learned that I'm not and never going to be so if I loved myself more and talked to myself like I talk to my friends, I may turn out happier and be more content with who I am…which really is my ultimate goal.

And with that, I also want to be more present and more present with where I'm at personally with my life and well, really everything. I feel that in the past, I missed a lot because my mind was somewhere else entirely. I wasn't focused on the place I was in with family & friends or I wasn't present with my feelings in the moment. I tried to fight the feelings and fix myself (another point of being too hard on myself). And I just finally have learned how much I've missed out on by being that way. I realized my life will be passing me by if I don't change something, and soon. Having my mind be somewhere else and or fighting whatever it is I'm feeling just makes me more restless and unhappy.

I've been working really hard on both of these things and want to continue that work. I know it will not always be perfect but it will help me love myself more and be more appreciative of my life and everything and everyone in it. Life is about growing through changes and losses and challenges and I truly believe that's where we do the most work on ourselves and see the most growth, is in the tough times. We get to see what we're really made of.

2017 is going to be a year of keeping on the path I ended with in 2016. I'm looking to a year of growing to true contentment and peace with all aspects of life. It'll be a nice change from what the last 5 years have been.

Cheers to all that lies ahead in 2017….