to be

every Monday morning I get an email from hb. She is a 20 something who I felt this instant connection to her words when I received her blog 2 years ago in my email. They’re deep (do I like any other kind?!), mean something, get me thinking and praying, and always so welcomed on a Monday. This morning’s referenced another blog of a friend of hers and MAN was it JUST what I needed to hear this morning.

Melissa’s blog says:

“My tattoo means “Be where your feet are.”

A friend of mine used this phrase as her New Year’s resolution. “Be with the person who planted her feet on the ground today,” she had said. “Don’t walk away from that person…[This life] goes fast. And it’s unpredictable. And it can be cruel and graceless and then the next day remarkable. Choose to feel all of it.””

WOW. How powerful are those words?! Be where your feet are. Yes, I’ve heard that quote before but today, I heard it differently. I heard it loud and clear for the first time today. And it was so welcomed.

You see, I’ve been on this war path (it feels to me anyway, it’s been pretty intense) to feel a certain way and to “be ok”. It’s all I have wanted for the last 6 months or so and fighting with myself to get there has been really tough because I don’t give myself grace. I want to skip the journey part and just get to where I’m ok…and happy. Striving for happiness I feel is just this unattainable goal and frankly, hope I never get there. I realized I kind of love the journey part more. Over the weekend, I went on a trip with girls I’ve known most of my life. Parts of it were not fun but really, I walked away with the realization of how much I’ve grown and how much happier and content I am compared to where I thought I was. I saw the growth in myself but the mirror image of my past self where I wasn’t ok and wasn’t content with who I was. I realized I don’t really care what others think about me and I don’t need approval from anyone for who I am or where I’m at right now. Today when I read Melissa’s words, I thought “Yes, I need to be with who I am every step of the way…..don’t try to hurry it along because every moment is important to your growth and your journey.” It’s OK to feel sad sometimes and that makes the better and brighter moments that much better. And being able to see my struggle through someone else’s (as hard as that was) just made me incredibly thankful for how much I have grown.

The 2016 journey has been everything but easy and I was fighting the hard and the tough because I felt I had dealt with that long enough and when I let go of that expectation and just appreciated for where I was at, it’s made all the difference. The last few weeks have been so incredibly freeing for me. Letting go of that expectation and just BEING, wow. I hope I never lose that, ever. God has blessed and granted me with a pretty amazing journey and story so far and I know He’s got so much more planned for me. And I know I can and will get there…especially by just being me and feeling everything & not beating myself up over not being where I think I should be. He’s clearly telling me I’m not ready to be in whatever place I have dreamed up yet. Embracing the journey and each step and moment make the victories and the feeling of growth that much sweeter.

be. to be. being. It’s the most wonderful reminder. be. be confident, content, present, and free. be that and everything will fall into place.

These feelings will not kill you

this a beautiful way to describe precisely how I’ve been feeling over that last few weeks. It has been a truly wonderful gift & I could not feel more blessed to feel my pain and know it’s making me stronger and more beautiful person.

girl gone free

“Sometimes, when I’m positive I’m being crushed, it’s like I feel God grab my face in his hands and say to me, ‘I am here with you. These feelings will not kill you.’ And every time, I make it through. I survive.”

A friend said this to me on the phone the other day. She’s walking the painful road of recovery from an addiction, and she’s experienced all kinds of feelings of discouragement, loss and desperation in the months she’s been pursuing sobriety. These feelings aren’t new. But for the first time, she is choosing not to try to run from them. Instead, she sits with them. Maybe she asks the question: “Are my insides trying to tell me something? What might I need right now?” But mostly, she just grieves and cries and feels and trusts that God is not removed from her suffering.

We’re all addicts.

We’ve all…

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