“I know this pain. Why do lock yourself up in these chains? No one can change your life except for you. Don’t ever let anyone step all over you. Just open your heart and your mind. Is it really fair to feel this way inside?”
1980s. Wilson Phillips. Speaking so many truths to me that I just keep playing it over and over again. I need to let it sink deep into my soul until I believe what they’re saying with my whole self. Just like I have believed before with my whole being.
Life can rain on you sometimes, and I’ve experienced quite the few storms lately. I’m not sure the reasons for them but I’m holding on and hoping that by the time I’ve weathered them, I’ll come through it stronger. I’ve had a lot of disappointments that I keep talking, singing, crying, and running my way through. Yet I still can’t let go. I need to let go. It’ll be healthier for me in the long run. Which is why I keep going back to “Hold On” because the words are telling me to hold on and that things will go my way if I just have a little hope. Most of this all is my doing which I have accepted and made peace with. I don’t regret it but I need to experience what I feel like I have to and then put the brakes on, hard. I’m over this feeling that I am putting my happiness into the hands of someone else. It’s up to me…after all, it is MY life. I ask God for help to release all of it and I think He is listening to me, and showing me to the right time and to mostly tell me to hold on. Just a little longer and then you can push this out of your life for good. I’m much more ready to face it then I was even 2 weeks ago. It’s never easy to say goodbye to something that meant a lot to you, but it’s something that must be done. There are bigger and better things out there for me and I refuse to keep being held back by someone that doesn’t deserve all my attention.
I’ve let life rain on me too long and I’m not going to give it that power anymore. I’m ready and excited for what’s to come for ME. I know different challenges lie ahead but I’m ready. Listening to God and reminding myself to hold on just a little longer.