It’s hard muddling through the struggles of being a 20 something. There are so many more variables and what-if’s I feel like in my 20s then there were ever before. Yes, being a teen was filled with much angst but I had a sort of life path to follow…I would graduate high school, go to college, and graduate college. What comes next? Honestly, it didn’t matter….22 seemed so far away at that point.
I feel like I know more of who I am and who I want to be, but getting there seems to be the problem. I want to be a good listener, a loyal friend and ally, someone who doesn’t care quite as much, a strong & independent woman, and a little less sensitive to others. There are people in my life that I need to shed, risks I want to take, places I want to see…the list goes on.
I’ve realized as “real life” continues on, how I’ve outgrown certain people while they may or may not have outgrown me and others that I want to keep close that have outgrown me. It’s hard to come to this realization but even harder to do something about it. I don’t want to chop them off, but other then taking a strong approach, I don’t know how else to do it. This is where I mean I struggle with the how of being who I want. I’m not quite to the point where I can easily cut people out of my life.
Risks are a part of living and I am not known for taking them. I want to do things I’ve never done before and was too afraid of getting hurt or being disappointed. Life is for the living and if I always am afraid, I’ll never be able to enjoy my life. This is about any kind of risk…eating by myself, putting myself out there to make new friends, wanting alone time, putting myself out there for love. All of these are risks & some I’ve conquered and some I have not. I have learned to value my alone time and that has been beyond refreshing for me, in all honesty. I recenter and refocus my mind and don’t need someone else to do it? It’s a rather empowering feeling…I must say. The love aspect, however, struggling with that one still. I’m better then I was because I’m much more proud of who I am but I’m not 100% there yet. It’s very hard to consciously know you will probably get hurt, but again, if I’m not willing to risk it, how will I ever know what or who is out there? Stay tuned on that one….hoping for a good ending there.
AH. Traveling. My number one thing. I want to travel to as many places as I can. I am blessed to have friends who live in all different places and I need to experience them! Some I have been to before, others I have not. The world is such a wonderful place (well sort of) with a vast amount of cultures and I want to be able to see them! I have been very fortunate to see a handful of places already but there are endless more to see. Traveling is a part of who I want to be. I want to be free to travel and that is a goal I am actively working on.
You’re supposed to have it together by the time you’re 24, right?? HA. That’s funny. I always thought so but I’m quickly learning that there is a strong chance I will never have it fully together. As I get older, I will become more of the person I am supposed to be and may have a few more things figured out. I have more figured out now then I did when I started this blog 4 years ago. I listen to criticisms with an open ear, mind, and heart; I like to think I’m less sensitive but I know I have more to work on that, I try not to be as selfish, and I try to give everyone a chance. And I like to believe that I’ve made a difference to at least one friend out there…it may be the smallest thing, but that’s always been my goal, is to make a difference.
Cheers to you and your life’s journey…