be happy.

Sometimes I think I am really the strangest person ever. I’m busy and want not to be and then I’m not busy and want to be.  It’s as though I can’t be happy with just where I am in life. It’s like I’m always looking for something more and it frustrates me because I hate being like that. I want to be happy in the moment and enjoying this free time I do have. I need to use this time to get used to being in Charlotte, exploring the area and getting to know what stores, restaurants, and other little spots there are that I can utilize.  But instead, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself that I don’t have a job or anything to do. I think it’s because I’ve been feeling guilty that I am just sitting around because I feel like I should be doing something proactive to find a job.  But the thing is I am being proactive: for example, today I applied to 3 jobs.  I know it’s not going door to door asking for one, but I am looking and applying to the ones I believe I’m most qualified for.  Yet with all of that, I’m still ansy.

Also, I think things of not going back to Elon have finally set in now that I have time to relax and realize the facts of reality.  I knew everything would hit me but I kind of hoped it would have earlier rather than later because I don’t want to have to put all my emotional distress on Jason. It’s not fair to him to have to deal with me being like that and I need to learn to just let it out and then put it away.  Easier said than done for sure, but I’m trying to just handle it a little at a time.  It’s not always going to be rainbows and sunshines but I will make it through this transition like I made it through the transition to college.  However, unlike college, I actually will have a support system to help me through it. I just hope I don’t run everyone away before I make it through it.

I hope & pray I find a job that suits my interests and longer term goals and am able to find a good group of friends who mean as much to me as my friends at Elon do. I love my friends so much and miss them so much. But we’ll all be happy for one another and when we get together again, it’ll be as nothing has changed.

here’s to the next steps…and being happy.