the end of the innocence.

Well it’s been a super long time since I last posted.  My life got crazy at school, like that’s nothing new, and blogging just became a lesser priority. Nonetheless, nothing much has changed with me since I last posted.  Feelings about life change daily and my feelings towards certain people and certain events have changed as well.  Throughout my 5th semester at college, I really formed tight bonds with the girls I went to Florence with and that was really encouraging to me because I only had a few close friends and now I feel like I have many more.  And the best part is that we just talked and laughed all the time and didn’t have to be doing something–even talking about Florence was pushed to the side and we just talked like a bunch of girls.  It was refreshing because I was still struggling to find my place at Elon with everything that happened in Florence and then this summer.  It was good for me to form these relationships on my own without preconceived notions from them.  This goes into a whole new can of worms that I probably won’t ever be able to share.

Anyways, coming home has taught me how much I have moved on from this life.  I don’t miss it and I don’t really like it–the social part, I mean.  I love my family and even though they drive me crazy at times, they are my family and I would do anything for them–any one of them.  However, my friendships have changed so much and I really feel like a grown up coming home to a bunch of 13 year olds still in that same old circle.  This isn’t true for all of my “friends” because the ones I’m close with are not like that at all.  But that one circle is still that circle and it was really keeping me down for a long time.  I was bitter that they weren’t mature enough to see the world and understand how much more there is out there to appreciate and enjoy.  But I then realized it’s not really their fault because they never were given the opportunity to get out and see other things.  I have though, and it has completely changed how I view my hometown and my friends from here.  It honestly does make me judge them some and that is terrible of me to say but the things they find so important and vital to their lives, I don’t even look once at.  And they complain about small matters about curfew or whatever and I find myself thinking “hey, at least you have parents who care and who love you enough to set a curfew” because there are so many broken families that most of my friends here really don’t have to deal with.

I know this is a bitter post about my trials and tribulations at home but I really feel like I’ve made that next step to where a grown person is and how they think and react and make decisions.  It scares me but I think it’s where I am supposed to be and I just need to accept it and work with it.  I mean, I am almost 21 and my innocent years are gone and I need to face reality.  With every aspect of my life. Accept and move on.  Much, much harder than it looks too, I may add.  It comes from within and I can do it because I have a good support around me and my faith which gets me through anything and everything.

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