new year, new goals.

well, 2010: what a year it’s been.

so many things have happened this year, one of the most eventful and successful years of my 20 years on this earth.  I can’t even list everything that has happened this year because there have been so many things, but I’ll give it a try.

1. I spent my first winter term at Elon and learned how boring yet adventurous it could be.

2. I traveled to Florence Italy at the end of January and spent 3 and a half wonderful months living, learning, and experiencing life outside of the United States.  I traveled to London, Germany, Paris, northern Italy, southern Italy and even made it to Cagliari! Honestly, going to Florence was the best experience of my life and I wish that I was still there.  But even though I’m not, I am so incredibly thankful for everything I learned about myself but more importantly, more thankful for all the wonderful friends I met.  I would not be who I am without those people and I love them all so much and they have had such an impact on my life since.

3.  I spent my first summer from home and spent it at school working for the City Manager.  While it was one of the most difficult transitions of my life, I grew so much and am now able to live on my own and I feel comfortable doing it.  I traveled to NYC to celebrate one of my friend’s 21st birthdays and then went on family vacations to South Carolina and then coming home.  In addition, one of my closest friends got the opportunity to visit my school and see what my life is like there.  It was wonderful to show her around so she could witness what my life is like here.  I grew apart from some friends and grew closer to others, but nonetheless, still incredibly important in my life.

4. I started my junior(?!) year of college without one of my very best friends and truly felt like I really belonged at school.  While it was extremely difficult without her, I found other groups of friends where I connected and found some new, wonderful friends who love me and support me.  It was so refreshing.  For a while, I felt so lost and disconnected but I found my way and got more involved in other school groups and ended the semester on a very good note.

While this post is only 4 bullets long, so much else was learned and experienced.  But either way, 2010 was a fantastic year and while I’m sad to see it go, I’m stronger and know myself better than I did and am excited for what 2011 will bring!!! 😀

So for one last time in 2010.

All my love.

the end of the innocence.

Well it’s been a super long time since I last posted.  My life got crazy at school, like that’s nothing new, and blogging just became a lesser priority. Nonetheless, nothing much has changed with me since I last posted.  Feelings about life change daily and my feelings towards certain people and certain events have changed as well.  Throughout my 5th semester at college, I really formed tight bonds with the girls I went to Florence with and that was really encouraging to me because I only had a few close friends and now I feel like I have many more.  And the best part is that we just talked and laughed all the time and didn’t have to be doing something–even talking about Florence was pushed to the side and we just talked like a bunch of girls.  It was refreshing because I was still struggling to find my place at Elon with everything that happened in Florence and then this summer.  It was good for me to form these relationships on my own without preconceived notions from them.  This goes into a whole new can of worms that I probably won’t ever be able to share.

Anyways, coming home has taught me how much I have moved on from this life.  I don’t miss it and I don’t really like it–the social part, I mean.  I love my family and even though they drive me crazy at times, they are my family and I would do anything for them–any one of them.  However, my friendships have changed so much and I really feel like a grown up coming home to a bunch of 13 year olds still in that same old circle.  This isn’t true for all of my “friends” because the ones I’m close with are not like that at all.  But that one circle is still that circle and it was really keeping me down for a long time.  I was bitter that they weren’t mature enough to see the world and understand how much more there is out there to appreciate and enjoy.  But I then realized it’s not really their fault because they never were given the opportunity to get out and see other things.  I have though, and it has completely changed how I view my hometown and my friends from here.  It honestly does make me judge them some and that is terrible of me to say but the things they find so important and vital to their lives, I don’t even look once at.  And they complain about small matters about curfew or whatever and I find myself thinking “hey, at least you have parents who care and who love you enough to set a curfew” because there are so many broken families that most of my friends here really don’t have to deal with.

I know this is a bitter post about my trials and tribulations at home but I really feel like I’ve made that next step to where a grown person is and how they think and react and make decisions.  It scares me but I think it’s where I am supposed to be and I just need to accept it and work with it.  I mean, I am almost 21 and my innocent years are gone and I need to face reality.  With every aspect of my life. Accept and move on.  Much, much harder than it looks too, I may add.  It comes from within and I can do it because I have a good support around me and my faith which gets me through anything and everything.