one day at a time.

Something I’ve learned this week is that while the small things do count in life, they also prove to be insignificant in the grande scheme of life.  Instead of constantly worrying if someone is mad at me or I’m upset with how someone treated me over something so stupid, I need to forgive and forget quickly.  Now, granted that is easier said than done but it can be done with a little hard work and some serious effort.  Life is most definitely influenced and affected by the small things but being constantly concerned with the small things will inhibit you from looking at the big picture.  Life is too short to be so concerned with these small matters.  And by dropping the small insignificant matters, life becomes simpler. Free of drama, arguments, hurtful things being said or done to one another…it just all goes away.  

On Sunday, I longed for my life to be simpler–free from all this nonsensical drama that I continuously find myself involved in.  Then I realized that I’m in it because I put myself there by getting upset and overreacting to dumb things or by trying  fix it. I know that hindsight is always 20-20  but seriously! My life would be simpler if I escaped the drama and just let things goooooo.  It’s aggravating because then it puts me in a bad mood with a bad attitude when in reality, I have NOTHING to complain about.  I have so many blessings in my life through my family, friends, my education, and just everything.  I am so fortunate and I know that I take that for granted a lot of the time.  I have been complaining about how I’m ‘alone’ this summer and how much I hate it.  Well, when I really take a good hard look, I realize that I was never alone.  I always had SOMEONE there to talk to or help me feel less alone, even if it was someone 900 miles away at home.  I just feel like I’m in this funk and it needs to go away because I’m tired of dealing with it. 

One extremely good friend was trying to get me to look at the positives of life and everything I have in my life. But instead I continued to focus on the negatives and partially ruined that friendship.  I took a step back from that situation and after about a month and a half, I realized how right he was.  When I was complaining about being alone, I had him there with me and I should have been enjoying his company.  I panicked and freaked out and got so wrapped in the drama surrounding my life, that things got off track.  I would love to tell him all these things I’ve realized now, but I fear it’s too late. 

I’ve decided that I need to take life by the horns and run with it.  I refuse to waste my life wishing I’d done something different or worrying about what the future holds for me.  Life is what is and I can only change the present and how I react to and deal with things that are thrown my way.  I will NOT let my negativity, need to please people, the drama, and worry get in the way of another friendship.  Drama is so stupid and unnecessary and I don’t want it anymore.  If I see a situation where I could get caught in the middle, I’m going to take a step backwards.  Life is for living and that’s what I’m going to do. 

With a new school year upon us, I am going to be friends with who I want and not worry what others think.  I want to tell those that I care about how I feel and express my appreciation for standing by me.  I seem to go through these revelations quite often but the more often I go through them, the better I’ll get at permantely being this way.  I want to enjoy my life and be thankful for everything because you never know when it’ll be too late.  So join me and start this new school year with a change of heart.  All we can do is take one day at a time.

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egbok

everything’s going to be okay: thank you Taylor McKee for that saying. It has helped me more than you know.  It’s easy to think that when you’re not in a situation that tries your patience and makes you question where the good in life is.  However, despite situations I’ve encountered and experiences I’ve been through, I truly know that everything will be okay.

Life here in Burlington is nothing like life in Florence Italy and while it took a serious adjustment to this life again, I am kind of liking my new found freedom.  I live almost alone and am able to make every decision for myself.  If I want to go to bed at 3 am, I can because no one is watching me.  For example, last week–I decided to get my cartilage pierced and get new glasses to help along this new look I’m going for: the college/adult look.  Now, do I particularly want to look older? Well, no not really, but I want people to question me and think, “Man, she sure is independent and strong.”  I do not know why I have this sudden urge for that, but seeing as I’m getting older, I want adults and my age alike to think this.  I want to show what I’ve learned from my experience in Italy and life that I’m strong and mature and can handle a lot of things, while still being positive and loving.  It’s quite the reputation I’m trying to build for myself but as my dear friend has told me before, people’s opinions of you are based on how you act and react to situations–it’s all up to you.  And so I’m making sure it is up to me. No more negativity and no more reacting like a child. I’m taking responsibilty with the “egbok” in mind.  

So to help me with this, I decided to start a new wordpress blog–as you can see.  It’s okay if you do or don’t read. I’m just using this to help myself, but as always, I greatly appreciate your thoughts and opinions.